A normal life.

"I just want you to live a normal life," my father said it to me for countless times. And he said this every time when he felt disappointed at me, I believe.


I remember one of my friends Lynn also expressed this wish to me once. (though we're in a cold war now, for I've been childish again yesterday.)


I guess that's why I've always feared so much and tried so hard to prevent people care about me most to know my deep down part, for those people, of course I'm indicating my parents.


First of all, I'm not sure about the definition of "a normal life". Secondly, if I do know, that would be the last life that I'm willing to live. I can't explain this bizarre intention, but as Milan Kundera said, we only have a one-time life and there're no way that we can draw a draft of it coz life itself is its own draft, therefore living it differently is the only desire I've held firmly towards it, the so-called life.


But how can I make the people I love to understand it? How can I disappoint them when all they expect from me is just "living a normal life"? I think that explains why I feel so stressed out whenever I think of my parents, and the way they look at me.


Nevertheless, one thing is for sure. Life is such a mystery that no one can claim he/she understands it more then anyone else does. For this part, life is actually fair.